*The idea of a helpmeet has always baffled me. There are a lot of obviously talented and brilliant women out there. Were all those women created by god to be helpmeets regardless? Because a lot of women have talents that aren't suitable to that way of life. Or are only mediocre women supposed to be helpmeets? The world would be a very different place if Lynn Margulis had been a housewife, for example. And the idea just totally breaks down when talking about homosexual relationships.
12.31.2009
Guess what I got for Christmas? A used copy of Dr. Dobson's What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women. I realize my in-laws were trying to be helpful, but this book is the biggest pile of shit imaginable. It contains all the stereotypes about how men are good at math and women are good at talking, men are turned on visually and women are turned on by romance, etc. It contains the usual criticisms of radical feminists (we're angry!). Before writing this book Dr. Dobson surveyed 5,000 church women at various church functions in order to determine the major problems women face in marriage. So right away, you can see how this book is fundamentally flawed. Of course the women he surveyed cite self-esteem as the biggest source of marital discord. When your life is reduced to being a helpmeet*, when you're told your purpose is to help somebody else fulfill their dreams, of course you're going to feel worthless. It's possible that this book would be useful for somebody who isn't me. However, a far more useful exercise than reading this book would be to divorce your husband, kill your children, and practice witchcraft throw out archaic and inaccurate notions of what men and women can or should be and start over. This book tries to fix the problems the patriarchy creates with an extra dose of patriarchy. It makes no sense.
*The idea of a helpmeet has always baffled me. There are a lot of obviously talented and brilliant women out there. Were all those women created by god to be helpmeets regardless? Because a lot of women have talents that aren't suitable to that way of life. Or are only mediocre women supposed to be helpmeets? The world would be a very different place if Lynn Margulis had been a housewife, for example. And the idea just totally breaks down when talking about homosexual relationships.
*The idea of a helpmeet has always baffled me. There are a lot of obviously talented and brilliant women out there. Were all those women created by god to be helpmeets regardless? Because a lot of women have talents that aren't suitable to that way of life. Or are only mediocre women supposed to be helpmeets? The world would be a very different place if Lynn Margulis had been a housewife, for example. And the idea just totally breaks down when talking about homosexual relationships.
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5 comments:
But why would we talk about homosexual relationships? Geez, Erica, get with the program.
So I'm not looking to start a huge debate nor do I care to go down this road repetitively really. You won't change my beliefs and I'm not going to change yours.
The idea that those who choose to stay home and have children and be a wife are mediocre or can't make it at a normal job or excel in the work place is the exact reason for years of doubts of my self worth and low self esteem. As a Christian mom/wife it is my belief that my #1 mission in life is my ministry to my family. If I found a job that allowed me to work full time, was something I loved to do for more reason then just financial gain, and didn't jeopardize my ministry to my husband and kids then I'd love it. (I'm trying to make that work with making/decorating cakes/cupcakes right now.) If I want to be the best wife/mother I need to be at home raising my children, being my husband's helper, and showing them Jesus love at every opportunity possible. Early on as a mom and wife my self esteem wasn't struggling because of my own acceptance of my role as a wife and mother, but because of other people's perceptions of what I was doing. Lame excuse I know, but if we were going to have kids I didn't want a daycare raising them and Jacob needed to be able to provide for the family on his own so I could take care of my children. Do you have any idea the flak I got from people - think of the first thing most people ask you when they meet you? What do you do? Yeah, I stay at home with my kids - which is about the hugest oxymoron ever, there's no staying at home or you go insane - more like I take kids to cultural events, the library, the doctor, the stores, church things, moms groups, kids groups, music stuff .... the list is endless!
A lot of religions have distorted scripture by taking bits and pieces and twisting them - the issue of women and what their role is is one of the biggest twists, I think. (My sister is Pentacostal - the amount of scripture twisting is freaky to me - she can't cut her hair or God won't recognize her when he comes again, you can't receive salvation unless you speak in tongues, women cannot wear makeup, they must always wear skirts... list goes on)
I know I'm all over the board here, but my main point is that Dobson didn't write the book to address nonbelievers like yourself. (Do your in-laws know anything about you? Why would they give you a book like that? Seriously, if they're looking to convert you they are just pushing you farther and farther away with stuff like that.) Just like if you would write an entomology book you would be using that kind of lingo and you wouldn't 'dumb it down' or make it so that the average person could pick it up and understand it. Maybe that's not a great example, but Dobson surveyed church going women because that is who he is writing this to.
I also think it's fair to say that Christian or not, a majority of men are extremely visual in terms of sexuality.
So I'm not trying to be argumentative or defend Dobson at any rate, just sharing a few thoughts and I wish I could have seen your face when you opened it - how in the world did you respond to that one?! I can't see you opening it and politely saying thank you!
You, personally, probably do not believe that all women should be in the home as helpers to their husbands. But it is something a lot of people believe, perhaps even my in-laws. I'm quite certain they'd prefer it if my husband were the one with the career, but for practical reasons they are willing to put up with the way things are. But the fact of the matter is that I would be a terrible housewife. Were I a Christian, I would believe that God had called me to be a scientist. (If you feel called to be a mother, that's something I can understand.) So why should I be forced to be something I would hate and be terrible at, especially if I can contribute to society in other ways? I realize you're the wrong person at which to direct that particular question, as you don't believe I should be forced to do anything. But I've never gotten a satisfactory answer to that question.
The other thing I don't understand is why God would create two people to accomplish the goals of one person. Why do men need helpers? I don't have a helper, and I do just fine. What entitles 50% of the population to harness the labor of the other 50% for their own ends? In homosexual relationships, who is the helper?
In homosexual relationships, we help each other. ;) Wouldn't Dobson think that must be the case amongst lesbians?
But I'm totally with Lisa on the raising kids thing. I mean.. for most people, if you have kids and are paying to send them to any halfway decent daycare, one person is mostly working just to pay for the daycare. How pointless is that?
Obviously that isn't the case for everyone, but I've heard a lot of people complain about just that.
Hopefully you realized that my question was mostly rhetorical. It's not even a question I would have thought to pose myself, until I actually read about it on feminist blogs. And that made me realize exactly why fundies hate gay marriage so much. Because in their world, marriage isn't about two equals making a go of it.
That being said, I recognize the financial difficulties involved in paying for daycare. When you combine that with the fact that jobs traditionally held by women pay much less and women in general make less than men, I know why women get squeezed out of the workforce. But that doesn't make it right or fair.
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